Angel Burgers

CHARACTERS

ARHAM, student in his last year before college and son of the much-ballyhooed Brigadier

MARK, an American in Pakistan – a perpetually worn bandana hides bad hair

TIME AND PLACE

Early November, 2005, about a month after the earthquake in Kashmir. The action of the play all occurs on the road between Islamabad and Rawalpindi in Pakistan. It is very late night and the streets are deserted.

SCENE AND SET DESIGN

[ARHAM is driving MARK back to his hotel in Rawalpindi so he can collect his belongings and shift to the Brigadier's house. From there he will leave in the early morning for the quake-affected mountains of Kashmir. ARHAM and MARK have just met an hour earlier and both are somewhat sleep deprived – ARHAM from study for college entrance exams, and MARK from constant travel.]

[The stage is minimalist in its presentation with the front half of a black 2002 Nissan 4x4 pick up truck resting in front of a large video projection screen. The simulation of motion is achieved by projecting video of a receding street behind the truck. A ceiling-mounted revolving spot light gives the appearance of illumination from passing street lamps.]

[ARHAM and MARK enter stage left and get into the truck. ARHAM sits stage left in the truck's cab and MARK is in the passenger seat.]

ARHAM: [pensively stroking his long scraggle of chin hairs] Can I ask you something?

MARK: Sure. Anything. What is it?

ARHAM: What's America like? I mean, what do you think of Pakistan? [ARHAM puts his hand on the back of the passenger seat and twists his torso around to navigate his father's black Nissan 4x4 out of Farhan's driveway.]

MARK: Pakistan's beautiful as far as I can tell from the little I've seen. America has got a lot of natural beauty too. I don't know much about the people here, but it seems like a lot of them, at least in Islamabad, are adopting the American vision of success.

ARHAM: That's what I feared. There are a lot of burgers here.

MARK: Burghers? As in English middle class?

ARHAM: No, I mean burger as in McDonalds. Like a burger with finger chips or, what do you call them... french fries.

MARK: American fries. France betrayed us in the Second Great Iraq War. They weren't keen on renegotiating their cozy oil deals in Iraq on American terms.

ARHAM: So you support the war in Iraq?

MARK: No, never. Lots of Americans were against the idea. But Cheney and team trotted out the flag and Bush went on the global airwaves to say you are either for us or against us. Once you manage to get people flag waving – whether its red, white and blue or green and white – all rationality just goes out the door. Even the major American newspapers and magazines, which are normally pretty level headed, fell in line with the governmental rhetoric. It was pretty scary to watch it all unfold. How did Pakistanis feel about the whole thing?

ARHAM: Most of us just see it as a war on Muslims. I think Bush wanted to get even for Saddam's attempt to kill his father. It was a personal thing for him and he just got all of America to come along with him.

MARK: There likely was some personal issues involved and I wouldn't doubt that Cheney played on Bush's insecurities about his family's legacy. I think oil considerations played a major role in the decision as well.

ARHAM: There's no doubt oil was on their minds. There's so much of it in Iraq and the oil companies have all the power.

MARK: There was also probably some hope that an American-style democracy could take root in the region and make business dealings in the Middle East easier. But the package was sold to the public as the centerpiece in the war on terrorism. What was almost an afterthought to the central motivations was advertised as being the primary or even sole consideration.

ARHAM: So everyone became in favor of the war against Iraq.

MARK: No, still a lot of people were actively against it. But part of the genius of the war mongers was to reduce everything to black and white, good and bad. War protesters were cast as unpatriotic, troop haters, or, worse yet, naive puppets of a foreign dictator or terrorists in general. Only a sick-in-the-head idiot could be against the war which was going to last one to two weeks and have our troops feted with flowers at KFC openings all along the Tigris. Over time, as it became painfully obvious just how few ties Saddam's regime had with any terrorists, the stated goal shifted to some sudden burning desire to deliver democracy to the Iraqi people and liberate them from Saddam's tyranny. Even Fox News started to feel silly calling every Iraqi that was killed a terrorist and adopted the 'insurgent' rhetoric.

ARHAM: Oh yeah, I've seen Fox News before. We don't get it on our television, but I've seen clips. They're like the state-run channel, right?

MARK: As long as the state is Republican controlled, yes. Fox was desperate to prove the claims made by their analysts and the administration before the war. They had sworn up and down that Iraq was crawling with weapons of mass destruction and so for the first few weeks of the war Fox was claiming everything they found on abandoned construction sites was actually part of some sinister doomsday machine. They would hold up some sewer pipes and say that they had uncovered documents that showed how Saddam planned to link a million together to create a giant prod to poke unsuspecting Americans. Or they would show crop duster planes and say that they evidence it had been outfitted for poison gas. People just ate it up without reason. For a month or two after the war started Bush's popularity remained in the mid-nineties or something crazy like that. Fox had an American flag flying in the corner of the television screen 24-7 so there could be no mistaking whose side they were on. [A similar flag appears in the corner of the video screen and will remain until INTERMISSION.] I haven't watched any TV for a long time, but I think the flag is still there. They even made fun of the old-school journalists who tried to remain impartial in their news coverage and questioned their patriotism.

ARHAM: So the American people are still in favor of the occupation?

MARK: No, generally the tide has turned against the President. But there is a sizable percentage of Americans that simply believe it is wrong under any circumstances to be against an active war. The lesson they took from Vietnam is that we should have stayed there until the war was won – not that we shouldn't have been there in the first place. To speak out against a war once it has started is akin to treason. And on the other side there is a smaller percentage of people that are convinced Bush and his administration are evil incarnate. Others feel war is wrong under any circumstances.

ARHAM: What do you think?

MARK: In general, I am less sure about what I think the older I get. Though over the past several years I have become comfortable with the idea of applying my prescriptions for what I feel is just or right, within, rather than without. I realized that the things I find most unjust 'out there' can serve as markers for similar tendencies in me. In this sense, the most interesting wars are played out on the battlefield of my ego.

ARHAM: I don't understand.

MARK: Take terrorists, and the whole so-called war on terrorism for example. I can point a finger at Bin Laden and blame him for the suffering caused by 9/11. I can expend my energy hating him, wanting to get even, or even fearing him. Or I can view the episode metaphorically. I can see my discomfort with his actions as a marker of something I am uncomfortable with within myself. What 9/11s do I enact on a daily basis? Am I prone to take it out on innocent people when I feel my voice isn't being heard? Furthermore how should I deal with this tendency? Should I hate myself for it, or attempt to become more conscious of the tendency to the point that it self negating. This, in turn, can provide clues to eradicating the behavior on the macrocosmic level as well. In the same way I can despise Bush and company for wrapping a range of ulterior motives in the so-called war on terrorism, or, instead, I can look at how I may be misleading others as to the true nature of my actions. Am I hiding my own wolfish, greedy tendencies in the sheepskin of noble aspirations? I've trained myself to the point where my annoyances with others usually trigger a self-analytical episode. If nothing else it makes hating the supposed wrongdoer far less palatable. Certainly less easy.

ARHAM: So you can take everything as a lesson. Even the things that get you mad.

MARK: Yeah. Those things perhaps most of all. I even start to get excited when I catch myself getting upset with someone. I think, 'Oh here comes some revelation about something unseemly in myself.' There's seemingly no limit to the amount of personal housecleaning one can do. It's nearly impossible to remain upset with the offending person in this context. A similar interpretation can be made with respect to jihad in the Koran.

ARHAM: That's pretty cool. You remind me of my Sufi teacher. I would like for you to meet him. You probably have been wondering about this thing. [Arhum rolls his sparse chin hairs into a single strand and tugs several times.]

MARK: Not really.

[MARK steals another look at ARHAM's threadbare beard and it dawns on him where he has seen similar abominations: the outlandish mole growths on characters of dubious repute in comical kung-fu flicks. A montage of such characters plays rapidly on the video screen.]

ARHAM: Over the past couple of years I have gone through a lot of searching – trying to find my place. You wouldn't believe this, but I used to want to be a dancer and actor, like in the movies. I was becoming a real burger. [ARHAM pauses to see the effect this disclosure has on MARK.]

MARK: That's not so hard to imagine really. [ARHAM appears slightly disappointed.]

ARHAM: I went to all the parties and would just dance like crazy. I could dance like Michael Jackson even, but I made up my own moves. I even would buy all the latest music, like this. [ARHAM pushes a tape in the cassette deck and Eminem's 'The Real Slim Shady' comes over the car's ample sound system.]

[Lights fade on the truck so it is virtually invisible. The video screen shows ARHAM, sans beard, dancing like crazy to the Eminem song in a party environment. A disco ball lowers and ten girls and ten boys enter from stage left and right. They groove and gossip in party mode, drinks in hand, occasionally looking up at ARHAM's frantic dance on the video screen. When the music changes ARHAM stops dancing and looks on slightly uncomfortably, as the girls and boys break out into a choreographed routine to Bruce Springstein's 'Born in the USA.']

[Dancers continue dancing while exiting stage left and right. Lights come back up on the truck and music crossfades back to 'The Real Slim Shady' at reduced volume.]

Now I don't listen it anymore. I had this jihadi friend that told me how it corrupts the mind and over stimulates the senses. I had to agree with him. I tell you Mark, when I was listening to the music and dancing I would just lose my mind. [ARHAM nods his head in time to the beat and raps the steering wheel with the side of his palm.]

MARK: Music is powerful stuff.

ARHAM: The jihadi helped me see how I was becoming a damn burger. I started to hang out with him and his friends, but became restless again. They were too intense and thinking about violence all the time. But I have to give him credit because he got me into the masjid after a long time.

[A staff-brandishing man springs from the shadows of the otherwise deserted road and covers the opposing lane and median with disconcerting swiftness. With wild-eyes he stares directly into the cab of the truck and appears hellbent on immobilizing the craft. ARHAM accelerates and veers sharply to avoid hitting the interloper and then continues on without visible distress – so completely unaffected is his behavior that MARK is compelled to turn to verify the presence of the would-be attacker. Sure enough the robed man stands in the middle of the road (now on the video screen) flailing his weapon in apparent frustration. ARHAM continues his narrative with nary a comment on the ambush.]

ARHAM: I eventually moved from the jihadis to hanging out with some Al Queda that I met through them. They were a bit more relaxed, but I didn't really feel my place was with them either. My parents really started to get worried about me. They saw me going from the burger life to the other extreme. That's when I met my teacher.

MARK: The Sufi? I ask.

ARHAM: Yeah. He is young, just in his twenties, but so wise. He really started getting me to think about my life and what I wanted to become – what kind of man I should be. I really want to become an example others can follow. Pakistan has come too far grabbing after all the Western things and forgotten the real way to be happy which is written in the Koran. I tell you Mark, if you read the Koran... have you read it?

MARK: Just parts.

ARHAM: Well, if you read the whole thing you will find every word in it to be true. Whenever I have had any difficulty I just go to it and there is an answer. Have you heard of Yusef?

MARK: You mean Joseph? [The question has an unintentionally colonial ring.]

ARHAM: Yes. His book of visions can give you the meaning of anything that appears in your dreams. Like I had this dream with these white horses and angels a year back and my teacher just showed me Yusef's book and the hidden meanings were all there.

MARK: You know, everybody's a sucker for a good angel. There was a total resurgence in everything angel a few years back in America. Did you see that Nicolas Cage movie? I'm terrible with names.

ARHAM: No, but I know the one you're talking about.

MARK: And there was a television series, 'Touched by an Angel' or something like that – I never actually saw it. I think there was a play called 'Angels in America.' Time and Newsweek magazines had cover stories about angels around the same time too. Then there was that Robbie Williams song and 'Send Me An Angel.' And you have always had names like Angelo, Angelica, Angela, Los Angeles and just plain Angel.

ARHAM: What's you point?

MARK: I was just thinking if everyone likes angels so much why don't we work at being angels for one another. I mean you could just think of some beloved angel scenario and then make it happen for someone. Everyone's waiting for angels to come from somewhere else, but sightings are pretty few and far between. You know what I mean? It's usually when someone is about to die.

ARHAM: I don't get it.

MARK: Why not start a whole hit-and-run angel movement? Like say it's likely to rain on some day. You could get in an angel outfit and hide out behind some tree. When it started to pour you could just appear out of nowhere to escort someone to their car. You could even act like you had just landed when you appear. You know, bend your knees to the ground and be breathing really heavily.

ARHAM: Can you imagine the looks you would get?

[The video screen shows actual footage of such an experiment being done and captured by a hidden camera.]

MARK: It would be awesome. You could even get elaborate with hidden guy wires like they had for the Victoria's Secret angels and come down from off the top of buildings. Imagine someone relieving their dog on the street and you would just swoop down with a poop scoop and then fly off again. Mission accomplished. The person would have such a great story when they got home. 'Honey, I'm home. My guardian angel scooped Foofie's duty today.'

ARHAM: It would make a great reality TV show.

MARK: Swooping Poop Scooping Angels. When ratings started to slip you could get perverse and start mugging people. Can you imagine the headlines? 'Jumped by an Angel,' or 'When Will the Scourge of Angels End?' At least people would get over their need for angels. Seriously though, it just seems to make sense to me that we should try to embody ourselves those things we most want to see in the world. You know, why wait for some otherworldly heaven? If it's angels we want, then we should start sewing wings. Why should we expect angels to look after us if we aren't willing to be angels for others?

ARHAM: Make the kind of world you want to see.

MARK: I can't believe I'm rabbling on about angels.

ARHAM: I've also had a vision of Issu.

MARK: Jesus? I have no jokes about Jesus.

ARHAM: He appeared to me in a dream. It was really incredible. He was showing me a door to a room and two angels were guiding me there. There was some writing on a table that I couldn't make out. You know Muslims believe in Issu too. It's just that for us he is one of the great prophets and not the only son of God.

MARK: Have you heard of Ramakrishna?

ARHAM: I'm not sure. An Indian guy right?

MARK: Yeah. He lived in Bengal in the middle part of the 1800's. He was a very advanced saint and a devotee of Kali, or the dark aspect of Divine Mother.

ARHAM: Oh, I don't believe in all that stuff.

MARK: I know, but hold on though. He had a friend that was a Sufi adept. Anyway, Ramakrishna took training from him in the mystical traditions of Sufism and for a number of days began worshipping God in the manner of a devout Muslim. You can only imagine how stunned the people around him must have been. I mean this guy just adored God in the aspect of Kali and would spend so much time just lost in devotion to her. Then suddenly he was spending all his time in a masjid.

ARHAM: So he converted?

MARK: Well sort of, but no. He wanted to see if God could be directly experienced by following the path laid out by Mohammed. He just went all out in his practice and after some time determined that Islam provided another valid route to the divine. Then he did the same experiment through devotion to Jesus and Christianity and once again with the Buddha. Ramakrishna had a good number of followers and they must have been a totally freaked out by his behavior. In the end I think his message was simply that there are many legitimate paths to God communion or self-realization, not that one should try to follow all disciplines. But we've strayed from the topic of your beard.

ARHAM: [Slowing the vehicle and peering over MARK out the passenger window] Your hotel is here.

MARK: Hold that discourse, I'll be right back. [MARK gets out of the truck and exits for the hotel stage right. Curtains close.]

INTERMISSION [The actors playing ARHAM and MARK don angel costumes and serve free refreshments in the Lobby suspended by wires. The unspoken implication is that the two have decided to follow MARK's suggestion sometime in the future which is the audience's present. They pose for photographs with audience members.]

ACT 2

[MARK throws his luggage behind the cab of the truck and takes a seat on the passenger side. ARHAM has been waiting and is now listening to Pink Floyd's 'Wish You Were Here.']

MARK: So you were saying?

ARHAM: Saying? Oh, about the beard. So when I read in the Koran that a man should always keep a beard, I grew this. You can't imagine how much shit people have given me for it. But I really wanted to put God first in my life so I saw the beard as a test – you know, was I willing to do this one small thing for Him or did I just want to fit in with the burgers. But I got teased so much. Even my parents and some of my friends were telling me I should get rid of it, so I started to wonder. You know Mark, the only person that supported me in keeping this was my teacher.

MARK: So in the end you came to realize that the Sufi lacked fashion sense.

ARHAM: [Smiling.] You're a damn bloody burger. Why? Do you think I should shave it off too?

MARK: No, but I also clearly lack any fashion sense.

ARHAM: [Nodding in agreement as he scans MARK's attire.] Where did you get it from?

MARK: You mean my lovely pajama kurta? I acquired it for about 80 rupees in Delhi.

[Comical footage on the video screen of MARK negotiating for his kurta in the Pahar Ganj, New Delhi. In the end he is able to get the laughing shopkeepers to confirm he looks 'fair and lovely' in the cheaply made outfit. It is a sarcastic reference to the skin whitening cream for women that is ubiquitously advertised in India.]

ARHAM: So, tell me. You've been in India for a long time, right? What are the Indians like?

MARK: Typically they're better dressed than I am. Seriously though, I wish I could take you there just for a month to meet my friends. Some are Muslim, some Sikh, some Hindu, some Christian, and some don't believe in God at all. But all of them are pretty cool and I'm sure you would really like them. If you were to visit India just once you probably would come to the same realization that I had a long time ago. There are so many nations, religions, races and so forth, but people are pretty much just people wherever you go. Eating, squatting, scratching and sniffling.

ARHAM: But there's so much poverty and disease over there isn't there? And too many people.

MARK: There's so much of everything in a country its size. Poverty, wealth, disease, health, generosity, greed – and lots of each.

ARHAM: What do they think of Pakistan?

MARK: You would definitely be surprised at how much goodwill there is toward Pakistan. In general most people just want to get their party on and aren't too bothered about the behavior of others unless it threatens their piece of the pie. I think there are a growing number of what I would call secular religionists on both sides of the border. They go to the temple or masjid on special occasions, but otherwise are preoccupied with their jobs and relationships. A large number of them subscribe to the belief that God can be called by many names and worshipped differently and therefore can live and work side-by-side with, or even marry someone from another religion. And then you have the handful of deeply devotional Ramakrishnas and Sufi-types that recognize an underlying unity to everything – good, bad, white, black, up and down.

ARHAM: Where do you think the problems come from then.

MARK: A couple of things. One is definitely just a lack of communication and travel between the two countries. The more you guys know about each other the less anxiety there is going to be. The cricket series was a revelation to a lot of people and changed perceptions on both sides. I know a lot of Indians were blown away by the hospitality the fans got in Pakistan. There are so many stories about shopkeepers refusing money from 'family' and rickshaws giving Indians rides for free.

ARHAM: Yeah, I heard about that too.

MARK: But the other issue is fundamentalists on both sides. Fundamentalists everywhere are convinced they have a monopoly on truth and thus feel called upon to correct everyone else's behavior. They know what's right and what's wrong and are going to set everyone else straight for their own good – even if it means lopping heads off. Usually they feel that God has given them special dispensation to take corrective action because the offending parties are blasphemers, heathens, or non-believers. Both Bush and Bin Laden have claimed direct lines of communication with God so neither is terribly disturbed about making decisions that cost a few lives or even thousands of lives. There is always a higher purpose behind it. And, of course, it's all pretty exciting, heady stuff. And un-heady.

ARHAM: The jihadis are a little like that. They pretty much want to take Kashmir at any cost.

MARK: Complicating matters is the fact that politicians are only too eager to take advantage of religious or nationalistic fervor to secure their power. They can play upon fear of the unknown and can, if necessary, interpret scripture in the most violent of ways. You know, vote for me and I'll protect you from the murderous heathens even if it means I have to murder them. It's cut and dried – classic good versus evil. Really appealing in its simplicity. And you can always find people willing to fight with the hyper-abundance of testosterone in youngish males.

ARHAM: So what do you think the solution is?

MARK: Use vacuum hoses to drain the testosterone out of the youngish males. No, just kidding. All these forces need to be creatively channeled and people need to recognize the benefits of choosing paths other than confrontation. Alternatives have to be sold in a more compelling fashion than just being 'not war' or 'not conflict.' In other words, active, energizing options need to be put on the table. I think Kennedy tried with the Peace Corps, but it somehow lacks the humility, scale and gusto that's called for.

ARHAM: So you would look to try some new version of the Peace Corps?

MARK: A few years back I actually had an idea for a group called Hard Corps. Corps as in C - O - R - P - S rather than C - O - R - E. It would take all the compelling elements of the armed services, like discipline, danger, camaraderie, respect, rank, skill, danger and so on and then apply them in a greater spiritual context. It literally would be the most exclusive force anywhere in the world. The boot camp would have the usual rigorous physical aspect, but would also would involve hard core training in the mental, social and spiritual realms. Conflict management, creative thinking, tai chi, meditation and so on. The month before graduation would be spent fasting in a darkened cave.

ARHAM: That would be too long.

MARK: Everything about Hard Corps would be too something or other. The graduates would be called upon to go into the most conflict-torn areas and attempt to provide both basic relief and mediation skills. But you know how paratroopers come into areas now all plain jane? The Hard Corps jumpers would be doing aerial stunts on the way down. Spins, sumersaults, sky-surfing. Everything would be turned up a notch.

ARHAM: Sounds like fun. Sort of like the angel thing again.

MARK: It definitely would be. I think the initiates would also receive training in comedy. Knowing how to make people laugh is one of the most important skills. But conquering the fear of death would really mark the final initiation into the ranks. You know, even if you're shot up and dying in some side street of a nameless town, if you can reach into your rucksack and pull out some biscuits to offer to a mangy dog then you've figured it out. Jesus was still able to ask for forgiveness for his enemies while his strength was ebbing on the cross. He was totally hard core. Life is a short dream and the more we step out of ourselves the sweeter it becomes. Death, for that matter, is but a dream. Death will require that we leave everything we are grasping after behind, so why not preempt and let go now? You know, cheat Death of its miserable bounty.

ARHAM: So you want to start this Hard Corps group? Do you think it could really make a difference in places like Kashmir?

MARK: Actually I'm still working on starting with myself. Can I recognize my own impulse towards righteousness or seeing everything in a dualistic fashion? A good exercise might be to spend more time walking in the chappels of the supposed enemy, including the enemy within. If I'm not at peace myself, how can I really expect to export that vibration? If nothing else we can each serve as miniature ambassadors of goodwill wherever we travel, if even to the corner shop. And we can listen more. Like I'm not, and should be.

ARHAM: For me I'm really trying to put God first in my life. After that comes my father, and then my teacher.

MARK: It seems as if your father is really highly regarded. Do you feel any pressure to follow him into the armed forces?

ARHAM: No. He set all the standards in the army, so there's no point in trying to live up to that. I have to make my own path. My father will support me no matter what I choose to do, but I tell you Mark it has to be something really great. I have to be the best at whatever I choose to do. We are not only Pathans, but we are also part of the royal family. My great great grandfather was the King of Afghanistan. My grandfather was the most decorated Pashtun serving with the British. And my father has always been the best at whatever he did. You cannot imagine the kind of pride my family has.

MARK: You've got yourself quite a family tree.

ARHAM: That's just my father's side. My mother's side is all chiefs from the North West Territories. There is a lot of tradition to uphold.

MARK: My family was just happy to see me make it out of the fifth standard.

ARHAM: [Laughing.] You're a damn burger.

MARK: With great buns and special sauce.

ARHAM: You really are a burger, but at least you're the original.

MARK: Sounds like a really lame ad campaign. Actually it's ridiculous that you're calling me a burger when you're the meat eater and I'm the vegetarian. Or maybe that does make sense.

[A thirty-second ad for a veggie-burger franchise plays on the video screen. Dancing condiments in low-rider jeans dance to either side of a tap-dancing MARK in burger costume. The jingle is based on, "You really are a burger, but at least you're the original."]

ARHAM: [Stopping the truck in an upper-class neighborhood in Islamabad.] We're home. You have exactly twenty minutes before my father is going to be ready to go.

MARK: As in two-zero?

ARHAM: Yeah. Gotta be ready by oh-four-hundred hours.

[MARK and ARHAM exit the truck and walk off stage left, before appearing on the video screen inside the foyer of the house. The remaining portion of the play has been pre-filmed inside the Brigadier's house.]

ARHAM: Let me show you something. [ARHAM leads MARK to the living room where he points to a crisply-focused, sepia-tone photograph on the wall.] So this is my great great grandfather. [Slow pan across close-up of photo. The stony-stare of a seated monarch is offset by the even stonier-stare of his bull-like bodyguard. Not guys you would want to meet in an Kabul alleyway.] You see how strong he looks? This is the tradition I have to uphold. The British have come to him for help with the Indian rajas who are seated over here. You can see they don't wear shoes. [Eight barefoot rajas of incredibly ornate and diverse costume sit opposite a similar number of stiffly-posed British officials.]

MARK: They look so real. I mean they look like guys I have seen before. Isn't it wild how this guy is actually related to you. He's your father's father's father's father or whatever and these are all real dudes that he hung out with.

ARHAM: And my father painted all of these. [Camera pans across the wall where there are a half dozen well-rendered portraits of generals from different eras in full regalia.]

MARK: Your father has real skill as an artist.

ARHAM: He writes too. I can show you some stuff later.

MARK: A real renaissance man.

ARHAM: Come, I'll show you the weapons room. [Camera follows ARHAM into a vast basement room. All four walls are replete with weapons of every design.]

MARK: If your next door neighbors every declare war on your family you're going to be ready to go. This is amazing.

ARHAM: Most of these have actually been used in combat.

MARK: Battle tested. That's reassuring.

OFF STAGE: [Basso profundo voice of the Brigadier.] Mr. Mark?

ARHAM: Sounds like my father's ready.

MARK: So I'll see you soon?

ARHAM: Yeah, I'll just be here studying for exams.

OFF STAGE: [Gently booming voice of the Brigadier once again.] Mr. Mark Sir, the mountains await our presence.

['The Real Slim Shady' plays while the video screen shows ARHAM and MARK playing one-on-one basketball in a caged court in an Islamabad park. ARHAM drives furiously to the basket, while MARK throws up high-arching three pointers. Cricket playing teens can be seen in the background. Curtains close and ARHAM and MARK, once again in angel costumes, are in the lobby to offer up chocolates and hail cabs for the theater's patrons.]